


I'll be your Tramp if you be my Lady

by DairyFarmer



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Chubby Katsuki Yuuri, M/M, Makkachin is the best wingman, Rated T for Yuri's cursing, Viktor's still an ice skater but yuuri doesn't know it since he never got into ice skating, Yuri's cat is named after Duchess from the Aristocats, Yuuri is a pet groomer, victor spelled with a 'k', viktor falls in love at first sight, yuri kinda has a crush on yuuri but it's like not even noticable
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-09-23 01:32:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9634859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DairyFarmer/pseuds/DairyFarmer
Summary: "You are so sad." Yuri grumbled as Viktor sighed longingly in the direction of Makkachin and Duchess's groomer, who also happened to be an angel named Yuuri Katsuki.In which Yuuri is a pet groomer and Viktor falls in love.





	1. in which viktor falls in love

**Author's Note:**

> honestly i thought i lost this fic but then found it again so yay for small miracles

Viktor almost never took Makkachin to a groomer, in fact this may be the first time! Viktor had always been the one to style Makkachin's hair and clip her nails since she was always most comfortable around him, but this was a dilemma he needed a professional for.

His cute little Makkachin was _supposed_ to be in the capable hands of Yuri while Viktor hopped over to Sochi for a sponsorship meeting. (Mainly because Viktor couldn’t get his usual sitter on such short notice). It was only two days. So how? _How????_ He had sobbed to an angry Yuri, that shoved him away, when he came home to Makkachin’s beautiful coat riddled with debris from dust to fruit snacks. She had happily greeted him as if she didn’t notice the lollipop that was stuck to her back paw ‘clacking’ with every step she took. Viktor took in her sad state before turning to an uncomfortable Yuri.

“M-M-akkachin?” He choked out, Yuri shifted and bent down to pick up his cat who had been purring against his legs.

“It wasn’t my fault.” He murmured defensively. Viktor let out a whine as Makkachin happily yipped up at him.

“Your stupid mutt kept scaring Duchess! She kept sniffing and stepping on her! So I put her in the extra room, I didn’t know it was dirty as fuck!” Yuri hissed as tears began streaming down Viktor’s cheeks.

“Would you stop fucking crying! Just take her to the groomers or some shit it’s not like she’s hurt!” He spit out as Viktor fell to his knees and sobbed into his hands. Makkachin immediately plopped down and began whimpering for pats.

“Viktor! For the love of god would you get _up_!” Yuri yelled. Instead Viktor fell onto his side and curled up on the floor in front of Yuri’s door.

“Dammit Viktor the neighbor’s are going to think something’s wrong and call the police on my apartment again! One more call and I have to pay a fine for 'civil disturbance' so would you shut up!!!” Yuri screamed down at Viktor.

Viktor cried louder.

Yuri let out a string of curses and Viktor immediately reached out to cover Makkachin’s ears.

Yuri abruptly turned around and Viktor listened to the sound of Yuri stomping into his kitchen and angrily dialing his home phone, an angry curse being spit out each time a button was pressed. There was a moment of silence before he spoke.

“Oi Katsudon you got any time slots open for an appointment tomorrow?....Yeah everything’s fine with Duchess- it’s for a dog belonging to this old guy I know.”

Viktor sputtered at the description, he wasn’t _old._  The conversation dragged on for a minute before Yuri quietly thanked the person( a first!) and hung up. When Yuri reentered the room Viktor’s tears had dried and he had buried his face into Makkachin’s filthy coat.

“Makkachin’s got an appointment with the groomer I take Duchess to tomorrow at nine so you _better_ show up since I’m paying for it.” Yuri grumbled as he kicked at Viktor’s prone form. Viktor mumbled into Makkachin’s fur.

“ _I can’t understand what you’re saying!_ Why can’t you act like a normal person for once.” Yuri sighed in exasperation as Viktor continued to lay on the floor. Viktor slightly lifted his head away from Makkachin in order to speak.

“Why does your cat need a groomer? Aren’t they self-cleaning?”

“Get the fuck out of my house”

XxX

Viktor glanced down at the map on his phone before looking up at the short brick building in front of him. There were two large glass windows that allowed someone to look inside the building, and from what Viktor could see there were shiny hardwood floors that led to a counter. To the sides of the room were large dog pens littered with soft blankets and toys, the back wall had three large sinks with detachable showerheads and three grooming tables. The place looked comfortable ,for a dog, and very well maintained but Viktor couldn’t see anyone inside. Rather than standing out in the morning chill Viktor urged Makkachin through the front door before stepping in himself, a soft bell signaling his arrival.

“I’ll be right there!” A voice called from the back room. Viktor took the opportunity to look around the interior, apparently there were cat beds put on pillars that he hadn’t seen from the outside as well as scratching posts scattered around. There were also pictures of cats and dogs hanging on the wall, all of them reflecting a clean and well groomed appearance, one of them was of a toy poodle that looked strikingly similar to Makkachin when she was a puppy but before Viktor could take a closer look a breathless voice sounded behind him.

“I’m sorry for the wait, I was restocking the shampoos and conditioners, how may I help you today?”

Viktor turned around and was met with the sight of- an angel. It had to be. Said angel had dark messy hair, soft pudgy cheeks, and wide long lashed brown eyes with glasses resting on his button nose. He wore a blue turtleneck with the sleeves rolled up and a green smock with large pockets in the front. His small nervous smile was pulled up by a soft mouth and full pink lips. Where had this angel been his whole life?

“Sir?” The being sent from heaven asked him as an uncertain look crossed his face. Viktor shook out of his reverie. He hadn't realized he’d been staring. Viktor awkwardly coughed into his fist before speaking, you can still save this Nikiforov just turn on that old Russian charm.

“I-I um have a-ap-pointment?”

Nailed it.

The angel smiled gently and typed a few letter into the computer in front of him before letting out a small sound of realization.

“Oh! You’re Yurio’s friend!” He said gently, offering Viktor a small smile, his eyes glinting happily. Viktor nodded rapidly.

“Y-yes friends! That’s us! Me and Yurio are friends! The bestest friends” He babbled. His saving grace laughed lightly and walked around the counter toward him, holding out his palm for a handshake. Viktor instantly latched on.

“I’m Katsuki Yuuri,” He introduced himself softly. Viktor gripped his soft palm tightly and cursed himself for deciding to wear gloves that day.

“Viktor Nikiforov.” He replied, smiling charmingly. A soft bark from Makkachin led both of them to break their eye contact and look down.

“Oh my goodness!” Yuuri gasped at the sight of Makkachin. Overnight it appeared as though Makkachin’s coat grew two shades darker in color. The night before, Viktor attempted to brush out some of the debris but ended up getting his brush stuck in the matted fur. It now waved hello to them each time Makkachin wagged her tail. Yuuri knelt knelt down and Makkachin attacked his face with excited licks.

“This is Makkachin!” Viktor gladly introduced.

“How did this happen?” Yuuri asked, running his fingers over Makkachin’s dirty fur.

“I have no idea.” Viktor lied as he watched the future Yuuri Katsuki-Nikiforov softly stroke Makkachin’s face.

“I’m afraid this will take a lot more than some heavy duty shampoo.” Yuuri observed as he led Makkachin to the large sinks in the back. Viktor happily followed.

Yuuri knelt down and hoisted a squirming Makkachin into the doggie bath as he whispered praises to the excited poodle.

“Come back in two hours and your Makkachin will be good as new!” Yuuri promised as he turned on the water and Makkachin let out a happy yip. Viktor’s face fell.

“Two hours?” He asked uncertainly. He didn’t want to leave his angel just yet. Yuuri turned to him and smiled reassuringly.

“Don't worry! Most patrons find that time flies when they’re anticipating something!” He smiled. Viktor was hypnotized by the look and exited the pet groomer’s without complaint.

XxX

“Yuriiioooo has it been two hours yet?” Viktor whined.

“No! It was ‘ _No_ ’ five minutes ago and it’s ‘ _No_ ’ now!” Yuri hissed at Viktor who kicked his legs in frustration and let out a drawn out whine.

“Nikiforov if you don’t shut the fuck up I will cut you to pieces in my bathtub and bury you under every skating rink in Russia I swear to god!”

“Really? _Every_ skating rink? Oh Yurio I knew you cared about me!”

“Don’t call me that!”

XxX

The time had finally arrived to pick up Makkachin and Viktor was vibrating in excitement. Yuri tagged along claiming he wanted to buy a new cat bed for Duchess as if the little menace didn’t have enough.(And no Viktor wasn’t calling her a “menace” because she had scratched him the first time they met, but it played a role.)

Viktor pressed his face against the glass window as he observed Yuuri carefully sweeping away fur, dust, candy, and a lone brush from the floor.

"You are so sad." Yuri grumbled as Viktor sighed longingly in the direction of Makkachin and Duchess's groomer, who also happened to be an angel named Yuuri Katsuki. Viktor raced for the door and ripped it open whilst happily yelling.

“Yuuri!” He called out excitedly as he skipped up to the startled man.

“Ah, Viktor right one time!” Yuuri greeted.“Makkachin was playing with Vicchan in the back, they should be coming out soon.”

“Vicchan?” Viktor asked, confused. Yuuri nodded cheerfully and pointed toward one of the photos on the wall-the one with the toy poodle.

“Ahhh” Viktor made a sound of understanding before being roughly shoved aside by Yurio.

“Move old man!” He ordered as he approached a gently smiling Yuuri.

“Hello Yurio, how have you and Duchess been?” He asked as Yurio examined the stacked cat beds, before selecting one with a tiger print on the interior lining.

“We’ve been fine. She’s been less crabby since she got her nails trimmed.” He stated as he took out his wallet and paid for his purchase. Yuuri nodded in acknowledgement as he took out a bag for the cat bed.

“That’s nice to hear.” He mused.

Yurio let out a grunt and turned to leave waving a hand dismissively. “I’ll see you in a few weeks Katsudon.” 

Yuuri voiced his own goodbye as Yurio left, leaving only him and Viktor in the shop.

“I’m sure you want to see Makkachin.” Yuuri observed as Viktor once again lost himself while staring at Yuuri. Viktor hummed agreement, a dopey smile on his face. Yuuri let out a short call for ‘Vicchan’ and soon Viktor heard the sound of padded paws racing across the hardwood floor. Vicchan burst out of the backroom first and raced for Yuuri, their small legs blurring as they ran into a giggling Yuuri’s.

“Hello Vicchan,” Yuuri cooed as the small dog flipped onto it’s back, whimpering for scratches and pats. Yuuri immediately knelt down and the small dog shook ecstasy as Yuuri stroked  the exposed stomach. Viktor smiled at the scene. Cute, and loves poodles, what more could he ask for? A familiar bark had Viktor looking up, Makkachin was racing towards him, her fur newly trimmed, fluffy, and positively _glinting_.

“Makkachin!” Viktor yelled in happiness. His beloved dog barked and jumped up, hugging him and sniffing his face, their cold, wet nose pressing into his cheek.

“Oh Makkachin! I missed you too!” Viktor crooned, running his fingers through Makkachin’s clean, fluffed fur. Makkachin jumped down and began sniffing the exposed Vicchan who cuddled into Makkachin’s exploring face.

“It looks like they get along quite nicely.” Yuuri observed. Viktor nodded in agreement. Viktor turned to Yuuri who turned as well, they were standing close together, separated by only a few inches.

“You do good work.” Viktor praised, Yuuri smiled shyly.

“I do as well as I can. Makkachin was very good, so that made things easier.”

“Well Makkachin’s especially good to people she likes.” Viktor stated. At that statement Yuuri was startled forward, they both looked down to Makkachin who was nudging the back of Yuuri’s knees, pushing him forward. Yuuri let out a startled gasp as he almost tripped.

“Makkachin stop, you’re making me look bad!” Viktor whined. Makkachin looked up at him, her dark eyes filled with innocence before barreling forward and knocking Yuuri into Viktor, sending them both tumbling down.

Viktor wrapped his arms around Yuuri, hugging him to his body as they hit the ground with a 'thump'. Makkachin climbed onto Yuuri’s back, forcing the two of them to press even closer together, Viktor could feel Yuuri’s hot breath caressing the side of his throat.

“I-I’m so sorry!” Yuuri exclaimed as he attempted to lift himself off Viktor, Viktor tightened his grip on Yuuri’s waist.

“It’s okay.” Viktor assured, ' _more than okay, actually'_ , he thought silently. Yuuri tilted his head so they were looking into each other’s eyes, blue clashing with brown. Time seemed to slow down as they stared into each other’s eyes, their breath mixing as they lay, pressed together, on the floor of a grooming salon.

“Do you want to have dinner with me?”

“Yes.” Yuuri immediately responded. Viktor grinned and shivered in excitement.

_Makkachin you goddamn hero._


	2. in which viktor is a mess of a human being

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viktor is getting ready for his date and seeks advice from his dog and a fifteen year old boy.

“Maaaakkkkaaachhiiiiiiin!” Viktor whined to his best friend as he stood in the middle of his room, completely naked.

“What should I wear??? Blue brings out my eyes, but I want Yuuri to focus on _all_ of me! Green makes my skin seem brighter, but then that may distract from my eyes! Brown is too boring and I don’t want Yuuri to think I’m boring! I want him to think I’m pretty, young, and hip!” Viktor exclaimed as he crouched down to Makkachin’s level on the floor where she stared up at him with dark eyes. Viktor expected her to give him some saving grace, a bone, _anything_. But instead she tilted her head up and bopped Viktor's nose with her head. Viktor sighed and looked at the mess his room had become, shirts and pants of all colors and styles littered every surface. Every pair of shoes he owned was lined up against the wall, all his coats were thrown over his chair. Viktor sighed and anxiously looked towards the clock, he only had five hours before it was time for his date with Yuuri.

“Looks like I need a second opinion.”

XxX

“What the fuck do you want old man!” Yuri screeched when Viktor called him for the seventh time in a row. Viktor let out a breath of relief.

“Yuri, my good friend! Could you come over? I need your help!” Viktor begged. Viktor heard grumbling on the other side of the phone before Yuri sighed in exasperation.

“Fine.”

“Really?!” Viktor asked happily, he thought Yuri would have been more difficult.

“Of course not! Don’t call me again!” he exclaimed before he heard the click of the phone and a dial tone. Viktor stood in stunned silence before he looked towards the clock once more.

Only four hours left…

“Makkachin start the car!!! I’m going to pack all my stuff and we’ll go to Yuri’s apartment together! He can’t refuse me if I make a scene!” Viktor exclaimed as he began putting on a long coat and grabbing all the clothes he could fit into his hands.

XxX

Viktor kicked Yuri's apartment door since his hands were full of clothing worth more than all of Yuri’s possessions put together. He heard loud cursing from the other side of the door before it was ripped open, before Yuri had a chance to say anything Viktor barreled into him, knocking him over. Makkachin happily trotted in behind him, gladly carrying one of his shoes by the laces.

“What the fu-! Viktor?! What the hell!” Yuri screamed once he stood up and shut the door behind him. Viktor dropped his clothing on Yuri’s dusty floor.

“Yuriiiiii! I don’t know what to wear to my date!” Viktor cried, tears beginning to form in the corner of his eyes. Yuri gaped at him, his blond hair partially covering his incredulous expression.

“Are you fucking kidding me!?” Yuri growled as he bent down and picked up one of Viktor’s many shirts that he brought along.

“You have this shirt! And all this other stuff!” He exclaimed gesturing to his floor. “Just pick something! It’s not like Katsudon will care about what you look like! Once he finds out what a _shitty person you are_ he’ll dump you!” Yuri spit out as he shoved a random shirt and pants into Victor’s arms.

“That’s not true! Yuuri will fall in love with me- and we’ll have little Makkachin’s and Vicchan’s to keep us company when we grow old.” Viktor huffed, slightly insulted.

“How will you _‘grow old’_ when you already got a foot in the grave _old man_?” Yuri argued as he nudged at Viktor’s clothes on the floor. Viktor was about to respond when he looked down and spotted Duchess making herself comfortable on his black Dolce and Gabbana jacket. Viktor screeched and reached down to pull it away from her before she could sink her claws into it, Yuri grabbed his hand and hissed at him in warning. Duchess stood up hastily and wiggled her small body before launching herself at Viktor’s face, her claws extended.

“NOOOOOOOOOO!!!” Viktor screamed.

Yuri began chasing after a panicking Viktor as he bumped into walls and furniture while trying to rip Duchess away from his face.

“Stop it you idiot! You’re going to hurt Duchess!” Yuri yelled, a hint of worry in his voice.

A loud bark from Makkachin had Duchess leaping away from Viktor and into Yuri’s waiting arms who began to quickly check her for any bruises.

Viktor cautiously lifted a finger to his face and pulled it back to inspect it. Red. That miniature tiger had drawn blood! And he had to see Yuuri in-Viktor glanced at the clock on Yuri’s television.-Three hours! Viktor began breathing quickly and searched the floor for anything that could be considered passible. Viktor crouched down on the floor and began searching through each individual piece of clothing for what had to be the fifth time, but nothing stood out! Nothing was good enough! How was Yuuri going to agree to marry him at this rate?! Viktor let out a wail of despair and buried his face into the maroon sweater he was holding. The sound of someone clearing their throat caused him to lower the sound of his sobs

“Look stupid....Katsudon... really.. likes..you.” Yuri said slowly. Viktor turned to look at him with his teary eyes. Yuri shifted from foot to foot uneasily, tightly clutching Duchess to his chest.

“He was really excited about your date, he was telling me all about it when I went to see him a few days ago. So, like...chill. Katsudon already likes you, all you have to do is show up.” He finished uncomfortably. Viktor stood up quickly and gripped Yuri in a hug, Duchess yowling between them and Yuri shouting at Viktor and stepping sharply on his toes. Viktor rubbed his cheek against Yuri who threatened to rip his throat out with his teeth if he didn’t let go.

Viktor quickly let go and dodged a kick to a very sensitive area, smiling happily all the while.

“I’m going to borrow your shower and go win the love of my life!” Viktor exclaimed as he bent down to pick up an outfit he had been uncertainly eyeing since the whole debacle started.

“Wait, who said you could use my shower fuckhead?” Yuri asked as Viktor raced into the bathroom and locked the door.

 _Just you wait Yuuri! Your Prince Charming will be there to sweep you off your feet shortly!_ Viktor thought to himself as he shed his coat and hopped into the teenager’s shower.

XxX

Viktor waited anxiously in front of the cozy restaurant that he and Yuuri had agreed to meet at, a million thoughts racing through his head.

 _What if Yuri was wrong? What if he was stood up? What if Yuuri really didn’t feel the same way?_ Viktor nervously rubbed his hands together and glanced down both sides of the sidewalk again. Viktor shifted his foot and resisted the urge to reach into his pocket and text Yuri for advice.

“Viktor?” A nervous voice asked behind him. Viktor whipped around and was met with the sight of an angel-no, a _God_.

Yuuri smiled happily at him, he was wearing a white sweater that reached his hips and hugged his full figure, brown velvet pants curled around those luscious soft legs, and were tucked into heavy duty cinnamon colored snow boots. What did Viktor do to be so #blessed?

Yuri nervously reached behind him and pulled out a single yellow daffodil, offering it to Viktor. It’s official. Viktor is most certainly dead and this is heaven.

Viktor excitedly reached for the flower and  inhaled it’s light, fresh scent.

“T-the florist was out of roses. I hope this is okay?” Yuuri nervously stated, his face turning a bright red when Viktor offered a bright grin. Viktor offered his hand to Yuuri, the two strolled into the restaurant and were immediately seated seeing as for the most part the location was empty. Viktor pulled out the chair for Yuuri and gently pushed him in before nearly tripping over himself to sit across from him. Yuuri smiled brightly and Viktor flushed a light pink at almost embarrassing himself.

The two started an easy conversation about Vicchan and Makkachin and how they were doing before delving into more personal topics such as interests, Yuuri apparently knew how to skate and Viktor reminded himself to not forget that fact as a possible date idea. Yuuri was excitedly telling Viktor about first opening the groomer’s salon before he suddenly froze and gently lifted a hand towards Viktor’s face. Viktor unconsciously leaned closer and Yuuri’s soft palm caressed Viktor’s cheek, his pointer finger idly stroking the side of Viktor’s mouth. Viktor sighed contently and closed his eyes as he enjoyed the feeling.

“What happened here?” Yuuri’s soft question forced Viktor to open his eyes and he frowned in confusion, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his compact mirror that he carried everywhere with him. Upon gazing into it Viktor suddenly realized that there were several light red scratch marks from Yuuri’s cat. The bleeding stopped while Viktor was in the shower, and Viktor barely had time to brush and gel his hair before he raced out the door in order to get to the restaurant thirty minutes in case Yuuri came early. But it was dark outside while he was waiting so he hadn’t seen them then and only under the light of the restaurant was Viktor able to realize that the scratch marks littered his face.

"I’ll be right back!” Viktor exclaimed as he quickly stood up ,intending to go to the bathroom and figure out some way to hide it, but his quick movement jostled the table and in doing so knocked over Viktor’s glass of red wine.

Onto. Yuuri’s. Lap.

Yuuri let out a startled gasp and pushed himself away from the table to avoid most of the spillage. Viktor quickly approached him intending to help with the clean up and instead tripped over the leg of the table and tackled Yuuri out of his chair. If things couldn’t get worse, one of the waiters was exiting the kitchen and tripped over the fallen couple, spilling sauce coated pasta noodles and garden salad over Viktor’s back.

Yuuri and Viktor slowly sat up and stared at each other in astonishment, one soaked in wine and the other covered in food. Yuuri let out a snort of laughter and began chuckling at the state of the two of them. Viktor glanced down at himself and reached into his shirt collar to pick out a noodle that had been clinging to his neck. Viktor smiled down at a happy Yuuri and joined in the laughter. The two of them were helped up by the restaurant staff, giggling all the while as they were re-seated in their chairs, staring across each other again.

Yuuri hesitantly reached for Viktor’s hand and Viktor tightly grasped it, intertwining his fingers with Yuuri’s. Yuuri smiled brighter than he had all night and Viktor enjoyed the shiver of joy that raced down his spine

_Viktor Nikiforov you smooth bastard._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> inspiration hit me while i was lying in bed dying of the flu.


	3. in which yuri plisetsky is not a happy camper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> viktor needs to stop taking his problems to the boy who is coming closer and closer to murdering him everyday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> viktor still believes in the '3 dates' myth because he's "old" and i said so

Yuri was not happy with that balding loser Nikiforov. (he almost never was but that was besides the point)

Viktor was _supposed_ to have been designing him a short program for his debut but what is he doing instead? He’s off having the time of his life with Katsudon! Viktor had spent all of the last week’s practice sighing happily while idly skating around the rink and ignoring Yakov’s angry demands to start practicing, not even Yuri’s jabs would bring him down from cloud fucking nine. It was disgusting.

So Yuri had all but contented himself to just let Viktor be his usual gross self and rave about Yuuri, so long as it didn't interfere with his debut. This was no longer the case when a distressed Viktor (once again) appeared, uninvited, to his apartment in the middle of the night when that asshole knew for a fact that they had an early practice in the morning.

“ _Yuuuriooo_ ,” he whined like the pitiful worm he is. Yuri, with his sleep soaked brain wasn't fast enough to slam the door in his face before he managed to wiggle his way into his apartment and make himself comfortable on his couch.

“Oh my god what's it going to take for you to leave?” Yuri groaned out as he slumped down on the other side of the couch, too tired to raise his voice and be his usual pissy self. Viktor immediately set off on his spiel about Yuuri _‘this’_ and Yuuri _‘that’_ and Yuri had just begun nod off when Viktor smacked his fleece covered lap and whined about him not listening. Yuri was exhausted and immediately felt annoyance begin to rise back in him, he turned to face Viktor, his mouth already pulled back in a snarl.

“What the fuck do you want?! Just fucking say it so you can leave my fucking apartment already you fucking shit sack!” Yuri spit out. Viktor pouted and huffed slightly.

“Well if you were _listening-_ ”

“I’m about five seconds away from committing murder and I will do the time I swear to god, Grandpa can visit me on the weekends.”

“Yuuri and I have been on six dates!” Viktor exclaimed, looking distressed. Yuri stared at Viktor with what could only be described as between pure hatred.

“ _So?_ ” Yuri growled, wondering if his Grandpa would be okay to take care of Duchess while he paid for doing the world a favor.

“So! That means we’ve already had our third date! I don't know what Yuuri’s expecting! I’ve never been so nervous before! I don't know how to talk to him about it because he's so beautiful and perfect and what if I’m not good enough?!” Viktor exclaimed as he wiggled around on Yuri’s couch in obvious turmoil.

“What the fuck are you talking about?!” Yuri groans because he's tired and god why doesn't Viktor have friends his own age to bother? Or why can't he dump his shitty love life on Mila and Georgi or Yakov? It's not like they have anything better to do with their time.

“It's our sixth date Yurio!” Viktor cries. “On the third date you're supposed to have sex but we haven't!”

Yuri freezes because he thinks his dinner is starting to come back up. _Groosssss. Ewwwww._ Why the fuck did Viktor have to come bother him with _that_. They're not even friends! Isn't this something he should talk to about with that Swiss freak Giacometti?

“Why me?!” Yuri yells. “Why did you come to me! A child! With this?!”

Viktor looks vaguely uncaring and waves his hand like _Yuri_ is the one who's being unreasonable.

“Yakov slammed the door in my face and both Mila and Georgi wouldn't let me talk, you’re the only other person I could think of.”

Yuri makes gagging noises and immediately stands up from his couch and grabs Viktor’s arm, dragging him to the front door.

“Okay first of all, you’re leaving because you're weird and gross. Second of all, _who gives a shit_ about your shitty sex life? Talk to Katsudon about this he’s the literally the only person you should discuss this with.” Yuuri grits out as he shoved Viktor into the hallway and shivers at the rush of cold air that enters his apartment.

“Third of all why should it matter anyway? It's not like you’ve got enough in you to do the deed anymore you _grey-haired washup_.”

Viktor actually has the gall to look offended just before Yuri slams the door in his face.

XxX

Yuri refuses to look at Viktor in the eye the next few practices and a week later mostly forgets the whole midnight talk even happened.

It's at Duchess's next appointment that he remembers. He absently notes that Katsudon seems happier, walking with a slight bounce in his step. Yuri is leaning against the counter and observing him as Duchess purrs under his hands while he carefully trims her claws. Yuri yawns slightly and perks up when Yuuri cradles Duchess in his arms and brings her to the counter Yuri is leaning against with Duchess’s carrier on the floor. Yuuri offers him a bright smile as he bends down to pick up the carrying case, lined with warm blankets. As he stands Yuuri flinches slightly, his forehead creasing in slight pain.

“You okay?” Yuri asks as he helps maneuver Duchess into her case. Yuuri nods slightly.

“I just had a rough night.” He explains.

Yuri nods slightly, accepting the explanation but freezes when he sees the slightest hint of a bruise on Yuuri’s throat when he turns to the cash register to ring Yuri up. It was barely noticeable, having been tucked behind his turtle neck, but his turning head allowed for him to catch a flash of it. _A hickey_ . Yuri realizes, suddenly everything starts falling into place. The happiness. The pain from bending over. The hickey. Viktor having visited him just a week ago about _that stuff_. Ew. Ewwww. _Ewwwwwww_.

“ _You two are so nasty!_ ” Yuri breaks out, his face contorting to display his displeasure. Yuuri flinched in surprise at his outburst and turns confused eyes to look at him. Yuri has already grabbed Duchess’s carrying case and flung the fee for her appointment on the counter.

“Ew-just _Ewww_.” Yuri gags. Yuuri looks even more confused.

“Y’all are so gross, don't you have any concern for the children?” Yuri exclaims as he backs away closer to the door.

“Tell Viktor that the next time he raws you to do it in a less obvious way!” Yuri yells, and turns around to kick open the door. Just as he leaves he catches the sight of Yuuri's reflection in the door gaping and red faced, watching him leave.

_Nikiforov you are so gross._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yuri is so fucking done, he's probably going to spend the next couple hours complaining to duchess about it. yuuri's probably going to ask viktor how yuri knew and then beat him up when he finds out he went to a fifteen year old boy for advice.

**Author's Note:**

> they in luv


End file.
